Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
