Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
