I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
