Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
