what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
