I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
