I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
