I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize