so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
