I CAN MOONWALK!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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