I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ketchup is God's man juice
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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