i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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