Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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