Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
