honey bunches of taint.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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