dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
