Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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