thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
