I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize