I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
