I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize