His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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