He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
