Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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