We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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