the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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