i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
