dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
