I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
