Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
