He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
