So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
try to milk me bitch
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
