I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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