i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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