Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
