First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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