But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
