I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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