I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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