life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
