so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
