I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize