pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
