sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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