Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
