Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
