Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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