He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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