I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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