Pants 0. Shit 1.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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