she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
