you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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