just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You're like the curious george of whores
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
