is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize