I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
