I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
