If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize