Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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