Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
