Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
