never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
