3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
