aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
