I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
