Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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